My cringeness is something I am not responsible for. I am positive that it just happens because I am fuckass bad in talking. Not like conversation wise, just the constructing of sentences.
Imagine: You are in the period before your maths test which is very likely not to go well. So since the room is all chattery you decide to start talking to the boy next to you across the pathway. You ask him if the questions and exersises will be hard since you only really studied theory (lie), and that you didn't understand the exercises (only the 3 when you weren't present).URGH this was cringe already, lying to the boys for attention. BUT THEN you get fucking humbled because you're ugly and you take advanced math and these boys are actually smart. One says 'congratulations' - got humbled real bad. 'Of course it's hard if you didn't understand it' - says another one, clock it bro. Yeah they ate with their responses. But now I will descend into madness. I'm lowk setting myself up for failure to get a boyfriend like what am I even doing, this is just ego-killing ahh behaviour. I cannot even keep my brainrot out of this, it's that bad.
So now I am trying to do some mental exercises. First one is remembering that this will pass, right. So just realize that in a few weeks, months or a year I will look back and laugh how funny I was or I will have forgotten. Second one is that no one will remember at all, this one is scary because it makes me think of the chance that they have. KILL ME. Okey no actually. Or if they remember they will just laugh, think about how stupid I am or something, or that that moment is the only reason they think negatively of me. So I guess nobody cares really <3 I will do my best to forget.
I hate my PE teacher like a lot. Bro says that I need to run free to catch the ball. I'm overstimulated at even looking at a game, you want me to run away when someone is almost hugging me to prevent me from running. Like what do you even expect. I have the worst hand eye coordination, it has always been like that. You would be actually useful if you taught me more of that instead of telling me to catch. Also what the fuck do I do when someone throws the ball at me. DO NOT throw it at me. Luckily I will be absent in 2 weeks so I will miss 2 miserable pe classes. So another thing is that I can't throw with one arm, I am athletic in fencing, ballet and horse riding. These things do not require throwing balls, yet it is the only thing we do at school. Trying to cope with that rn 😞
Honestly I fucking hate the ego I radiate. I am supposed to be all mysterious but look what has become of me. Even when I talk casually I am cringe, or with my friend. Well tomorrow I will try shutting up.
bye dolls wish you a mysterious and not cringe life <3
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