Hello sweet apple pie angels
I have my first follower, it's official. Thank you for following Jade Wilson, you made my day a whole lot better.
I will keep making these posts until I have ten and then I will make them with every ten followers.
Since I already have a big backlog I probably will make a page where you can read the blogs chronological
thank you
thank you
thank you
so that was it for today
bye you reading this !
My cringeness is something I am not responsible for. I am positive that it just happens because I am fuckass bad in talking. Not like conversation wise, just the constructing of sentences.
Imagine: You are in the period before your maths test which is very likely not to go well. So since the room is all chattery you decide to start talking to the boy next to you across the pathway. You ask him if the questions and exersises will be hard since you only really studied theory (lie), and that you didn't understand the exercises (only the 3 when you weren't present).URGH this was cringe already, lying to the boys for attention. BUT THEN you get fucking humbled because you're ugly and you take advanced math and these boys are actually smart. One says 'congratulations' - got humbled real bad. 'Of course it's hard if you didn't understand it' - says another one, clock it bro. Yeah they ate with their responses. But now I will descend into madness. I'm lowk setting myself up for failure to get a boyfriend like what am I even doing, this is just ego-killing ahh behaviour. I cannot even keep my brainrot out of this, it's that bad.
So now I am trying to do some mental exercises. First one is remembering that this will pass, right. So just realize that in a few weeks, months or a year I will look back and laugh how funny I was or I will have forgotten. Second one is that no one will remember at all, this one is scary because it makes me think of the chance that they have. KILL ME. Okey no actually. Or if they remember they will just laugh, think about how stupid I am or something, or that that moment is the only reason they think negatively of me. So I guess nobody cares really <3 I will do my best to forget.
I hate my PE teacher like a lot. Bro says that I need to run free to catch the ball. I'm overstimulated at even looking at a game, you want me to run away when someone is almost hugging me to prevent me from running. Like what do you even expect. I have the worst hand eye coordination, it has always been like that. You would be actually useful if you taught me more of that instead of telling me to catch. Also what the fuck do I do when someone throws the ball at me. DO NOT throw it at me. Luckily I will be absent in 2 weeks so I will miss 2 miserable pe classes. So another thing is that I can't throw with one arm, I am athletic in fencing, ballet and horse riding. These things do not require throwing balls, yet it is the only thing we do at school. Trying to cope with that rn 😞
Honestly I fucking hate the ego I radiate. I am supposed to be all mysterious but look what has become of me. Even when I talk casually I am cringe, or with my friend. Well tomorrow I will try shutting up.
bye dolls wish you a mysterious and not cringe life <3
so I didn't really counted my life blog updates something, but now I do and if I have time I will edit the titles
Okey so... F just lied to me because she didn't want to spoil the 'secret' that her bestfriend was dating a boy. Which I think is very stupid or just annoying because I already knew. I put so much effort in telling her that and making sure that my information was as true as possible, while she knew. So she lied to my face... worse is that her best friend really wanted to keep it from me because F told her. ARGH fuck off, I DONT WQNT TO KNOW THAT YOURE DATING SOME RANDOM AHH GUY I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT F KNEW LIKE I ALREADY KNEW ANYWAYS. When I confronted F right she told me that I didn't know it for sure because I asked her-- girl I was being polite.
so yeah if you didn't understand I might make a summary one day.
Today I had piano lesson, normally this would have been the lesson before the last before my show(i guess you call it something like that?). But we planned an extra in since one was missed my a holiday and another one I would've missed because I would gone on exchange with Erasmus+ for a week. Teacher told me I still had a lot to do, but I think he gave up being mad and frustrated because he was quite calm. He also told me he noticed I practiced (I only did really sunday). So that's a positive.
I have an olympiad tomorrow, of geography. Why the fuck would I go really but also what if I get into the second round, and the finale, and maybe if that works I will go to turkey since the international olympiad is there? Probably not since the questions were already difficult for the first round, I checked some past ones today and... I mean very small chance. Also I would not be mad if I don't get trough bc I otherwise I would need to travel and give up my afternoon (as long as no one else in my year gets trough). Thursday I have maths but that will also be okey. So no worries really! Other than the fact that I have physics next week but lets not talk abt that shall we?
bye darlings I hope you sleep great tonight
Hey babes
I might actually go insane, so writing here so I don't. I will start with the troubles with my friend so that is off my chest.
OK, so tea, the best friend of F had something with a boy. I overheard a few people talking about this and also saw them looking at eachother and her friends were laughing. So I told this to my friend F because it was an interesting match and she might know more. Lo and behold she was confused and didn't believe it (or something like that, it was over text) and said that it wasn't true. And when I brought it up another time she told me to not talk about it and said that her best friend would have definetly told her. Now fast forward I was on the birthday party of M and asked this since I was so confused by these contradictery signals. And they all said that they dated very shortly. So I texted F that her friend did go out. She replied something along the lines with "what does it matter anyways, I don't get it?". Now knowing the rumors are true, I could have replied saying that her best friend was not telling everything like she tought or was just lying (I think she also said that her friend said it wasn't true). Now with that text she gave me the feeling I was so super interested in this dating shit. I am not, I am tough in the fact that you're friend lied to you. So I told her that I just tought it was weird and that maybe they weren't dating but just went somewhere together. --- Now F replies with a voice message of her friend. AND HER FRIEND SAYS THAT IT'S TRUE. girl she fucking lied to you and you act all nonchalant like im so fucking obsessed or something. That is just weird and annoying. Maybe F did know they are dating but she didn't want me to know. What is also weird is that her best friend says they are still dating while the rest says they stopped. UGH this annoys me.
I just texted my friend to get the fact straight that I talked abt this because I tought it was weird of a best friend not to tell her while I did know it by gossip. so yeah, I will update you guys in the next blogpost. I think my friend F already knew she just didn't want to tell me.
Okey now it's time for how I am dying because of pressure. In one fricking month I have exams that make out like a fucking lot. IN A MONTH OF LIKE 10000 SUBJECTS LIKE ALL OF THEM LIKE PHYSICS I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT WERE TALKING ABOUT LIKE AAAAAAAH. O this makes me think about the other thing I have in a month. I HAVE MY PIANO EXAM LIKE I CANNOT EVEN PLAY THE FIRST PART WITHOUT FUCKING MAKING A MISTAKE. Ow and to make matters worse... I WILL BE GONE FOR A WEEK. So basically I HAVE ALL THESE THINGS IN 3 WEEKS. I might actually die.
No but It's gonna be alright you know, I just wished I was more productive this holiday. I promised everyone that I would do shit. And now it's catching up to me. So my plan is just to start planning everything again and not being on my laptop or phone if I haven't finished my shit to-do list. I think we all just need to calm down sometimes. It really helps thinking that everything will be alright. Even if you already know, just take time to realize that. But you know, I now only have 1 friend my dear M. Whom I did not speak to during summer and actually kind of spoke bad about to F since we almost didn't talk during exam period. It's just so sad. I never really want to make friends since I feel very fast when I am not fond of a person, I don't hate them for it. On the contrary, I always defend people in arguments. but they don't click or are just simply not open to a girl with an accent that happens to be younger (I skipped two years). I have always naturally social climbed, so I think I will do that again and maybe leave the friend group of F. In that group the only connection really to me is F. So it's not a great deal. I am also irritated by a girl that didn't even invite me to her party but did invite alot of her classmates that she just knew. That has been long ago but it still haunts me. But about social climbing, it happens to just go like this: I meet someone new of a friend group and they happen to be part of a friend group that is a little more popular or outgoing. Also one of my irritations of my friendgroup is that we literally never go out, like yeah we go to the most popular parties. But they have all left by 00:30. So it might be time to just switch before this.
So that was way to big of a side-tangent.
Bye darlings, I hope I will feel better...
