#3 school is tomorrow, and I have (TEA!!) a fight with my friend ig

 Hey babes 

I might actually go insane, so writing here so I don't. I will start with the troubles with my friend so that is off my chest.

OK, so tea, the best friend of F had something with a boy. I overheard a few people talking about this and also saw them looking at eachother and her friends were laughing. So I told this to my friend F because it was an interesting match and she might know more. Lo and behold she was confused and didn't believe it (or something like that, it was over text) and said that it wasn't true. And when I brought it up another time she told me to not talk about it and said that her best friend would have definetly told her. Now fast forward I was on the birthday party of M and asked this since I was so confused by these contradictery signals. And they all said that they dated very shortly. So I texted F that her friend did go out. She replied something along the lines with "what does it matter anyways, I don't get it?". Now knowing the rumors are true, I could have replied saying that her best friend was not telling everything like she tought or was just lying (I think she also said that her friend said it wasn't true). Now with that text she gave me the feeling I was so super interested in this dating shit. I am not, I am tough in the fact that you're friend lied to you. So I told her that I just tought it was weird and that maybe they weren't dating but just went somewhere together. --- Now F replies with a voice message of her friend. AND HER FRIEND SAYS THAT IT'S TRUE. girl she fucking lied to you and you act all nonchalant like im so fucking obsessed or something. That is just weird and annoying. Maybe F did know they are dating but she didn't want me to know. What is also weird is that her best friend says they are still dating while the rest says they stopped. UGH this annoys me. 
I just texted my friend to get the fact straight that I talked abt this because I tought it was weird of a best friend not to tell her while I did know it by gossip. so yeah, I will update you guys in the next blogpost. I think my friend F already knew she just didn't want to tell me.

Okey now it's time for how I am dying because of pressure. In one fricking month I have exams that make out like a fucking lot. IN A MONTH OF LIKE 10000 SUBJECTS LIKE ALL OF THEM LIKE PHYSICS I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT WERE TALKING ABOUT LIKE AAAAAAAH. O this makes me think about the other thing I have in a month.  I HAVE MY PIANO EXAM LIKE I CANNOT EVEN PLAY THE FIRST PART WITHOUT FUCKING MAKING A MISTAKE. Ow and to make matters worse... I WILL BE GONE FOR A WEEK. So basically I HAVE ALL THESE THINGS IN 3 WEEKS. I might actually die.

No but It's gonna be alright you know, I just wished I was more productive this holiday. I promised everyone that I would do shit. And now it's catching up to me. So my plan is just to start planning everything again and not being on my laptop or phone if I haven't finished my shit to-do list. I think we all just need to calm down sometimes. It really helps thinking that everything will be alright. Even if you already know, just take time to realize that. But you know, I now only have 1 friend my dear M. Whom I did not speak to during summer and actually kind of spoke bad about to F since we almost didn't talk during exam period. It's just so sad. I never really want to make friends since I feel very fast when I am not fond of a person, I don't hate them for it. On the contrary, I always defend people in arguments. but they don't click or are just simply not open to a girl with an accent that happens to be younger (I skipped two years). I have always naturally social climbed, so I think I will do that again and maybe leave the friend group of F. In that group the only connection really to me is F. So it's not a great deal. I am also irritated by a girl that didn't even invite me to her party but did invite alot of her classmates that she just knew. That has been long ago but it still haunts me. But about social climbing, it happens to just go like this: I meet someone new of a friend group and they happen to be part of a friend group that is a little more popular or outgoing. Also one of my irritations of my friendgroup is that we literally never go out, like yeah we go to the most popular parties. But they have all left by 00:30. So it might be time to just switch before this.

So that was way to big of a side-tangent. 

Bye darlings, I hope I will feel better...